I DIDN'T DO IT
All parents go through it; it's not like I'm the first. But when a day like today happens, it gives me a sense of desire to suspend time. Just long enough to grasp everything God wants me to learn in the moments He has given me. And not that I ever could see or understand ALL that He has done or was trying to teach me, but I still sit in awe of Him tonight. Today He blessed me with unexpected eye opening experiences.
Ben responded to my invitation for a bike ride early this morning, much to my suprise and delight, with a yes. We took a route we hadn't before, the roads were quiet, we stopped and talked to some horses (no response back : ) ) and had some really great conversation together. After breakfast we got ready and headed out to shop, but first stopped by Wawa's for a coffee. It only felt normal to ask him, although it was the first time I had, "would you like a coffee", and he replied, "sure". Hmmm, I thought....that seemed refreshingly odd to have this tiny adult moment with my son. We spent the next 3-4 hours shopping for some Summer clothes for him. My advice was requested and appreciated. Just as he has done since he was little he held the store doors open for me, he was grateful, funny, we laughed and everything went smoothly. It felt as if I was shopping with my best friend.... an adult. Watching whom I still stuggle to see as not my little boy, but a man, come out of the dressing room with sharp clothing and a sense of feeling well about his own appearance turned everything upside down and yet in order. Later tonight as I watched him learning a new song on his guitar he asked if I'd play mine with him. Although I have tried to tell him for years that I am no good, he never understood why I'd say that....until tonight..lol. So, patiently he tried to teach me different chords and strum patterns. He mentioned a few times and sang a silly song he made up about how thankful he was for how I raised him. Just as he didn't understand until tonight that I don't know much about playing guitar, someday he will realize, "I didn't do it"....."God did". I look at how he is becoming this man right before my eyes and in all of it's 'man-ness' for lack of a better word (lol); his drive, his excitement for life, his compassion, his dreams and his openness, etc....I didn't do all that...God did....and I am so thankful He is filling him and not me.
Now, I know this is not mountain moving, sea parting miracles. But for a parent, it's not just a moment to exhale and feel good. It's so much more! What I know I did wrong, God covered. What I thought I was doing right, God covered. What I never had a clue about, God covered. And when I am lost again, God will cover that too. I didn't just see Ben with new eyes today....I have a better understanding of God's grace for me as a parent. Someday, Ben have a full understanding that "I didn't do it"...that might not be until he has children of his own. But I look forward to hearing him tell me and struggle for the words as I do now how thankful he is to have God in his families life
Ben responded to my invitation for a bike ride early this morning, much to my suprise and delight, with a yes. We took a route we hadn't before, the roads were quiet, we stopped and talked to some horses (no response back : ) ) and had some really great conversation together. After breakfast we got ready and headed out to shop, but first stopped by Wawa's for a coffee. It only felt normal to ask him, although it was the first time I had, "would you like a coffee", and he replied, "sure". Hmmm, I thought....that seemed refreshingly odd to have this tiny adult moment with my son. We spent the next 3-4 hours shopping for some Summer clothes for him. My advice was requested and appreciated. Just as he has done since he was little he held the store doors open for me, he was grateful, funny, we laughed and everything went smoothly. It felt as if I was shopping with my best friend.... an adult. Watching whom I still stuggle to see as not my little boy, but a man, come out of the dressing room with sharp clothing and a sense of feeling well about his own appearance turned everything upside down and yet in order. Later tonight as I watched him learning a new song on his guitar he asked if I'd play mine with him. Although I have tried to tell him for years that I am no good, he never understood why I'd say that....until tonight..lol. So, patiently he tried to teach me different chords and strum patterns. He mentioned a few times and sang a silly song he made up about how thankful he was for how I raised him. Just as he didn't understand until tonight that I don't know much about playing guitar, someday he will realize, "I didn't do it"....."God did". I look at how he is becoming this man right before my eyes and in all of it's 'man-ness' for lack of a better word (lol); his drive, his excitement for life, his compassion, his dreams and his openness, etc....I didn't do all that...God did....and I am so thankful He is filling him and not me.
Now, I know this is not mountain moving, sea parting miracles. But for a parent, it's not just a moment to exhale and feel good. It's so much more! What I know I did wrong, God covered. What I thought I was doing right, God covered. What I never had a clue about, God covered. And when I am lost again, God will cover that too. I didn't just see Ben with new eyes today....I have a better understanding of God's grace for me as a parent. Someday, Ben have a full understanding that "I didn't do it"...that might not be until he has children of his own. But I look forward to hearing him tell me and struggle for the words as I do now how thankful he is to have God in his families life
Comments
Post a Comment